Swimming Upstream (for us as couples)

A little relationship refreshment


If we know that families are assaulted daily with messages of how they are supposed "do more" and "be better," I believe that couples face an even greater onslaught of "shoulds" and "oughts."  Let's imagine the variety of movies and TV shows and YouTube channels we watch on a regular basis.  How many of those fantasies (and let's be real, they're mostly all fantasy) include a romantic couple that overcomes any argument, plans the perfect dates, has the most fulfilling (and perfectly timed) intimate moments, and looks ageless.  We can all say that we know this isn't real life, but I believe we're taught to want the fantasy.


But that's the problem with fantasy:  it was never meant to be reality.  The origin of fantasy is from the Greek word for "imagination" or "phantom."  Life is not meant to be a hollow ghost, and relationships are not meant to be fake.


As in the last post, I want to suggest a few "pillars" to put in place for your relationship so that you can withstand the pressures to become some ideal that was never actually real:


Values.  What are the core values that define you as a couple?  You might want to spend time together creating your vision and mission as a couple.  What do you want to be about?


Self-Care.  How are you pursuing health and wholeness?  Are you taking time to rest and engage in healthy habits (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually)?  Are you doing this both together as a couple and separately as individuals?


Soul Friendships.  Who is cheering you on in your relationship?  Who knows the ups and downs of your relationship, and reminds you to chase hard after a meaningful relationship?


I encourage you to take some time and reflect on these three areas of your relationship, and I hope this keeps you grounded in the real, not the fantasy.  This is vital; definitely not easy, but vital.


Stay rooted and grounded,


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Alair Olson, M.A.

 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist



South Mission Valley | San Diego, CA  92108

858.634.0302 | therapy@alairolson.com