Rooted & Grounded


Uncertainty | Why + How to Grieve

"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak."  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


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Uncertainty | Why You Actually Need Anxiety

"All things are difficult before they are easy."  Thomas Fuller


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Grieving | A Helpful Tool

"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak."  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


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Grieving | Helping Our Kids Grieve Well

"Embrace your grief, for there your soul will grow."  Carl Jung


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Grieving | The Loss That Comes With Change

A Global Invitation to Expand Your Soul


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Doing the Work | Watering + Waiting

What your clients need most, especially now.


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Doing the Work | Planting + Sowing

What could be getting in the way of your child's growth.


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Doing the Work | Digging + Cultivating

What relationships might need before they can grow.


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Doing the Work | Cutting + Pruning

What looks "good" might need to go.


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Authenticity | A Guide for Reflecting on 2019

How we can look back to help us as we look ahead.


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Authenticity | Forgiveness Around the Table

How can we open our hands to let go and receive just a little more.


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Authenticity | How "You Do You" is Not Self-Care

The most important way to be true to ourselves can't exclude the care for others.


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Authenticity | Asking Your Partner for What You Need

The most important question to ask may be the hardest to answer.


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Hope | When Your Work With Clients Feels Too Weak

The path forward may go back to the beginning


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Hope | When Life Feels Too Late

The path forward may look different than expected


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Hope | When You Feel Too "Wrong"

The path forward starts with parents


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Hope | When You Feel Too Stuck

The path to getting un-stuck may surprise you


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Letting Go | Property Lines

from The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie


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Choosing: The Golden Rule for Marriage

What would happen if I treated my partner the way I want to be treated?


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Q&A: Talking with kids about tragedy

My kids have been seeing and hearing a lot about the recent tragedies in our country and around the world, and they’ve been asking a lot of “Why?” I don’t want to say the wrong thing or tell them too much or too little. How do I answer their questions?


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Our Blue Print: Getting on The Same Parenting Page (Part 2)

Every month, I want to share a bit of the "blue print" that I use with individuals, couples and families.


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Our Blue Print: Getting on The Same Parenting Page (Part 1)

Every month, I want to share a bit of the "blue print" that I use with individuals, couples and families.

As always, I hope the questions from the last blog post were thought-provoking, helpful and an encouraging step toward getting on the same parenting page.

 

Over the next two weeks, I want to look at why it can be so difficult to feel unified with your co-parent (regardless of whether you are in a romantic relationship with that person or not).  There are two parts that make up this struggle:  the “parent” side, and the “partner” side.  Let’s take a look at the “parent” side today.

 

In her book Raising Parents, Patricia McKinsey Crittenden writes, “Parents are children’s primary attachment figures and, as such, they function to promote children’s survival and well-being as well as to prepare children to become attachment figures to their own children.  As with any primary attachment figure, they are irreplaceable…and more dedicated to their children than are any substitutes” (p. 3). 

 

I believe that 99.99% of parents care deeply and fiercely about protecting, preserving and caring for their children’s well-being.  These parents desperately want their children to grow up into mature, responsible, rational and thriving adults.  They inherently know the weight of being a parent and the love they hold for their children.

 

And I also believe that when 99.99% of parents see their children misbehave, act inappropriately or do dangerous things, their care for their children turns into a frantic fear that can cover up our best intentions.

 

“If my child keeps acting this way, will s/he end up homeless and using drugs?” 

 

“If my child doesn’t learn that being aggressive is wrong, I’m so afraid s/he will turn out to be some horrible person who winds up in jail.”

 

“If my child hangs out with these people, what will s/he become?  How will other people see her/him?”

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Q&A: How do we get on the same parenting page?

My partner and I cannot get on the same page about parenting.  I think my partner is just too hard on our kids.  I’m not about throwing away all of the rules, but sometimes I think it’s ok to figure out how they’re feeling or not make a big deal of things rather than come down hard.  How can we get on the same page?


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Tools for Divorcing Families

I want to offer some simple, helpful tools to support you as you rebuild your home.


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Our Blue Print:  A Divorce Narrative

Every month, I want to share a bit of the "blue print" that I use with individuals, couples and families.


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Q&A:  How do we tell our kids we're getting a divorce?

We’re getting a divorce and we haven’t told our kids yet. When should we do that? And better yet: how should we do that?


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Tools for Making Therapy Worthwhile

I want to offer some simple, helpful tools to support you as you rebuild your home.

During my first session with any new client, I always pose this question:  “Let’s say we’re at the ‘end’ of our time working together (whenever that end date may be).  We look back at our time together in therapy and you say, ‘Wow, that was worth all of the time, money, effort and energy.’  What would we need to have done to make this process worth it?”

 

I always want to make therapy a worthwhile process for my clients, and I believe that each therapist will have his/her own perspective on how the therapist can help to make therapy as beneficial as possible.

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Our Blue Print:  Factors That Affect Therapy

Every month, I want to share a bit of the "blue print" that I use with individuals, couples and families.  


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Q&A:  Why does therapy seem to take so long?

Every month, I want to take some time to respond to a real, honest and authentic question that I have heard in my work with individuals, couples or families.  My hope is that reading these questions and responses will give you encouragement for your own situation and reassurance that you are not alone. 


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Rooted & Grounded

 

 New on the blog:

 

Uncertainty | Why + How to Grieve 

 

"There is no grief like the grief that does 

not speak."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


In the neighborhood...

 

Please check back in for upcoming events!


Around town...


 

The Power of Parenting During the COVID-19 Pandemic

National Child Traumatic Stress Network

 

"This handout provides caregivers guidance about how to address fears and feelings of prior losses that are coming up during COVID-19. This fact sheet offers information on loss and trauma reminders, coping with separation, and the mind body connection."

 

Alair Olson, M.A.

 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

(LMFT#86504)

 

South Mission Valley | San Diego, CA  

858.634.0302 | therapy@alairolson.com