The path to getting un-stuck may surprise you
Yesterday, I heard about a couple that is thinking of ending their relationship after close to thirty years of doing life together. Thirty years of adventures, kids, jobs, travel, successes and failures. And while we hear stories like this and sort of shake our heads with, “Wow, that’s awful,” how many times have we also felt so stuck that the only way out, is out?
About one-third of the couples that come into my practice find themselves in a place where one or both are considering leaving the relationship. They all have very valid, legitimate, real reasons for the hurt and bitterness they have experienced, which has caused massive walls of distrust and separation within their homes. They can all remember times when their relationships felt better, closer, easier or more exciting. And they all want something to be different.
I try to be as honest as possible when I start working with these couples, and I tell them:
The work will be hard.
This process is not easy.
There is a way to save your relationship.
And it all comes down to what you choose.
Hope is a choice – it doesn’t just fall in our lap whenever we feel stuck or discouraged. We fool ourselves by thinking that if I can just find the right therapist or the right book or the right article, then my partner and I will finally be un-stuck. Yes, we all need others to come alongside us to ask the hard questions and have our backs, and at the end of the day, the choice is yours.
Thirty years of togetherness or three months- when you feel stuck, what will you choose?
With you and for you?