Couple's Therapy


I am encouraging you to be courageous, look hard, and identify your usual response.  It's the one that pops out before you have taken a breath.  This is the response that can trap you in a vicious cycle of disconnection with the person you love best. - Sue Johnson

Why couple's therapy?

Have you ever noticed how you and your partner get in the same kind of argument over and over again?  The topic you're fighting about may be different each time, but generally the fight goes the same way.  And you find yourselves going around and around, and not quite sure how to stop.

 

I believe that couples get stuck in the same negative patterns because they actually need each other, but are disconnected and don't know how to find their way back to one another.  This philosophy comes from my commitment to a particular model of couple's therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and I use EFT because this model:

  • explains why couples get stuck in the same patterns over and over again
  • helps us understand the emotions and needs that fuel this negative pattern
  • doesn't judge, shame or criticize; instead, it highlights hope and offers compassion
  • gives couples a new way to connect in deep, meaningful ways

Where do we start?

When we start working together, I like to spend a few sessions getting to know you both.

  • First Session.  I like to share about the therapy process and the Emotionally Focused Therapy model.  I also want to learn more about your relationship history and what prompted you to reach out to me for therapy support.
  • Individual Sessions.  I like to schedule an individual session with each of you to spend more time getting to know you and your hopes for your relationship.  I also find it helpful to learn about your family background and personal history, because these factors play an important role in our couple's therapy.
  • Back Together.  I will share my thoughts and reflections about why you find yourselves stuck in your negative patterns, and I will offer my suggestions and recommendations about how we can move forward in therapy. 

Do we need couple's therapy?

Here are some of the most common challenges that bring couples to me for couple's therapy:

  • Pre-marital/pre-engagement counseling
  • Communication difficulties
  • Infidelity (Physical and/or emotional)
  • Discernment about divorce/separation/ending the relationship
  • Navigating transitions (New baby, children leaving home, etc.)
  • Parenting difficulties
  • Addiction and recovery
  • Disconnection in the relationship (physical/emotional/sexual)

Come in- how can I help?

Some different options about where we can start

Couple's Therapy

 

Understanding why we are disconnected and alone, and creating new ways of being with each other

Individual Therapy

 

Letting go of what needs to be released and discovering what needs to be found

Family Therapy

 

Learning new ways to care for family, and for kids and teens to share with their parents

 

Play Therapy

 

Helping kids explore and put words to their own world



sit and stay a while

Some thoughts I share on "Rooted + Grounded"

 

 

Rhythms:  Presence + Distraction

 

 "I am going to try to pay attention to the spring. I am going to look around at all the flowers, and look up at the hectic trees. I am going to close my eyes and listen."

- Anne Lamott


in the neighborhood

Some helpful resources in the nearby and virtual community

Spring + Summer Camps

San Diego Family Magazine

 

"Browse through your San Diego Spring/Summer Camps and Programs Guide to find awesome experiences where kids will learn new skills and make lifelong memories. Do you have an artist, scientist or future veterinarian in the family? Now's the time to plan an epic camp adventure."


 

Alair Olson, M.A.

 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT#86504)

858.634.0302 | therapy@alairolson.com