Couple's Therapy


In couple's therapy, I see my role as walking alongside you and your partner as we deconstruct a pattern of conflict that usually ends in frustration and disconnection.  Once we understand how this pattern leaves us stuck, we can then create a new pattern of communicating that leaves you closer and more connected.

Why couple's therapy?

Have you ever noticed how you and your partner get in the same kind of argument over and over again?  The topic you're fighting about may be different each time, but generally the fight goes the same way.  And you find yourselves going around and around, and not quite sure how to get off this awful merry-go-round.

 

I believe that couples get stuck in the same negative patterns because they believe their relationship is threatened, and partners are actually doing everything they know how to prevent a relationship crisis, failure or break-up.  This philosophy comes from my commitment to a particular model of couple's therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and I use EFT because this model:

  • explains why couples get stuck in the same patterns over and over again
  • helps us understand the emotions and needs that fuel this negative pattern
  • doesn't judge, shame or criticize; instead, it highlights hope and offers compassion
  • gives couples a new way to connect in deep, meaningful ways

Where do we start?

When I start working with you and your partner, I like to spend a few sessions getting to know you both.

 

To start, I will meet with both of you in our initial session.  I like to share about the therapy process and the Emotionally Focused Therapy model.  I also want to learn more about your relationship history and what prompted you to reach out to me for therapy support.

 

After our first session, I will meet with each of you individually.  I like to schedule an individual session with each of you to spend more time getting to know you and your hopes for your relationship.  I also find it helpful to learn about your family background and personal history, because these factors play an important role in our couple's therapy.

 

Finally, we will all meet back together.  I will share my thoughts and reflections about why you find yourselves stuck in your negative patterns, and I will offer my suggestions and recommendations about how we can move forward in therapy.

 

Do we need couple's therapy?

Here are some of the most common challenges that bring couples to me for couple's therapy:

  • Pre-marital/pre-engagement counseling
  • Infidelity (Physical and/or emotional)
  • Discernment about divorce/separation/ending the relationship
  • Navigating transitions (New baby, children leaving home, etc.)
  • Parenting difficulties
  • Addiction and recovery
  • Communication difficulties
  • Disconnection in the relationship (physical/emotional/sexual)

Rooted & Grounded

 

 

New on the blog:

Authenticity | A Guide for Reflecting on 2019

 

 How can we look back

to helps us as we look ahead.


In the neighborhood...

 

Raising Emotionally Healthy Children | January 13th, 2020

Point Loma Presbyterian Church Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) Group

 

I'm grateful for the opportunity to spend time with moms of young kids and explore different ways that we can help cultivate emotional health in our children.


Around town...

"Screen-based media associated with structural differences in brains of young children"

Science Daily 

 

"A new study documents structural differences in the brains of preschool-age children related to screen-based media use. The study, published in JAMA Pediatrics, shows that children who have more screen time have lower structural integrity of white matter tracts in parts of the brain that support language and other emergent literacy skills. These skills include imagery and executive function — the process involving mental control and self-regulation. These children also have lower scores on language and literacy measures."


 

Alair Olson, M.A.

 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

(MFC#86504)

 

South Mission Valley | San Diego, CA  92108

858.634.0302 | therapy@alairolson.com