Couple's Therapy


In couple's therapy, I see my role as walking alongside you and your partner as we deconstruct a pattern of conflict that usually ends in frustration and disconnection.  Once we understand how this pattern leaves us stuck, we can then create a new pattern of communicating that leaves you closer and more connected.

Why couple's therapy?

Have you ever noticed how you and your partner get in the same kind of argument over and over again?  The topic you're fighting about may be different each time, but generally the fight goes the same way.  And you find yourselves going around and around, and not quite sure how to get off this awful merry-go-round.

 

I believe that couples get stuck in the same negative patterns because they believe their relationship is threatened, and partners are actually doing everything they know how to prevent a relationship crisis, failure or break-up.  This philosophy comes from my commitment to a particular model of couple's therapy called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), and I use EFT because this model:

  • explains why couples get stuck in the same patterns over and over again
  • helps us understand the emotions and needs that fuel this negative pattern
  • doesn't judge, shame or criticize; instead, it highlights hope and offers compassion
  • gives couples a new way to connect in deep, meaningful ways

Where do we start?

When I start working with you and your partner, I like to spend a few sessions getting to know you both.

 

To start, I will meet with both of you in our initial session.  I like to share about the therapy process and the Emotionally Focused Therapy model.  I also want to learn more about your relationship history and what prompted you to reach out to me for therapy support.

 

After our first session, I will meet with each of you individually.  I like to schedule an individual session with each of you to spend more time getting to know you and your hopes for your relationship.  I also find it helpful to learn about your family background and personal history, because these factors play an important role in our couple's therapy.

 

Finally, we will all meet back together.  I will share my thoughts and reflections about why you find yourselves stuck in your negative patterns, and I will offer my suggestions and recommendations about how we can move forward in therapy.

 

Do we need couple's therapy?

Here are some of the most common challenges that bring couples to me for couple's therapy:

  • Pre-marital/pre-engagement counseling
  • Infidelity (Physical and/or emotional)
  • Discernment about divorce/separation/ending the relationship
  • Navigating transitions (New baby, children leaving home, etc.)
  • Parenting difficulties
  • Addiction and recovery
  • Communication difficulties
  • Disconnection in the relationship (physical/emotional/sexual)

Rooted & Grounded

 

 

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is Not Self-Care

 

 

The most important way to be true to ourselves can't exclude the care of others.


In the neighborhood...

Raising Emotionally Healthy Children | St. Gregory the Great MOMS Group

November 7th, 9:30-11:00am

 

I have the privilege of sharing about ways that we can support the emotional growth of our children.  The goal of this ministry is to bring together Catholic mothers, stepmothers, and grandmothers to share and express their spirituality, find meaningful friendships, and reach beyond themselves to help others.


Around town...

Family Workshops with Kids' Turn San Diego


 

Alair Olson, M.A.

 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

(MFC#86504)

 

South Mission Valley | San Diego, CA  92108

858.634.0302 | therapy@alairolson.com