Grieving | A Helpful Tool

"There is no grief like the grief that does not speak."  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

And the quarantine goes on for another week.


From my perspective and experience thus far, it seems like there have been waves of reactions over the course of this quarantine.  Each week seems to bring a new rush, like:


·      A wave of panic and anxiety

·      A wave of confusion and scrambling

·      A wave of frustration and annoyance

·      A wave of sorrow

·      A wave of irritation

·      A wave of indifference

·      A wave of “I’m-so-over-this-and-don’t-care-about-wearing-my-mask”

·      A wave of exhaustion and apathy


And probably a lot more that I haven’t thought of or heard or experienced.



Also from my perspective and experience thus far, there’s also been an undercurrent for all of these waves:  grief.


 While we looked at grief in a previous post, I thought I’d share a way of processing grief that has been very helpful for me.  (I give all of the credit for this to spiritual directors Sheryl Fleisher and Linsey Wildey)


A few notes about how to use this tool:


Grief event:  the “grief event” can be a particular event (i.e cancelling an event due to COVID-19) or a time frame/season of life (i.e. the quarantine)


Questions:  the questions listed are in relation to the grief event, and some may not be applicable or helpful. 


Acceptance:  as we process our emotions and reactions to our grief, we symbolically open our hands and may be able to release certain things we’ve been holding onto for some time.  As we do that, we enlarge our capacity to accept and hold more.  From that place, we are often able to welcome new things into our lives, such as love, joy, etc.



I hope this could be a helpful way to reflect on and work through the grief that may be coming up during this season and as those different waves come and go.  And as always, I’m here to help too.


 With you and for you,


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Come on in- how can I help?

Some different options about where we can start

Couple's Therapy


Learning why we feel disconnected, and creating new ways of being with each other

Individual Therapy


Discovering and developing what it's like to have a relationship with yourself

Family Therapy


Finding out why we don't get along, and figuring out how we can be a family 

Play Therapy


Helping kids use play to feel safe and strong, especially when bad things happen

sit and stay a while

Some thoughts I share on "Rooted + Grounded"



The New Normal | Do I Want to Go Back?


 "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." - Rumi

in the neighborhood

Some helpful resources in the nearby and virtual community

  National Child Traumatic

Stress Network

Talking with Kids + Teens When Scary

Things Happen


These resources offer guidance on talking with children and youth when scary things happen. This fact sheet includes information on checking in with yourself, clarifying your goal, providing information, reflecting, asking helpful questions, going slow, labeling emotions, validating, and reducing media exposure. 


Alair Olson, M.A.

 Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT#86504)

858.634.0302 |